The Guardian "Space" magazine: 8 May 1998

Dr Hardcastle had a kindly expression but he was clearly a busy man as he arrived to view a property. "Don't usually do house calls," he explained as he bustled in.

"Do you mind if I wash my hands before I have a poke around? Habit I'm afraid," he smiled. "Right," he said briskly as he emerged from the cloakroom, "I see from the estate agent's notes that you've had some remedial work done. Nothing serious? Ah, just a little problem downstairs. Let's have a look, shall we?" He winked: "Don't worry, I've seen it all before..."

He gave the bottom of the house an examination: "Bit of underpinning I see. Notice there's a truss on the brickwork. How old are we?" he glanced at his notes. "Ah, late Victorian. Anno Domini, eh? Gets to us all eventually." He took the cellar steps two at a time. "Mind if I wash my hands again?" he enquired. "Always a good idea when you've been messing about down there." This time he flushed: "Nothing wrong with the waterworks! See what's going on upstairs shall we?"

He twinkled: "Lot of problems can be traced back to the bedroom, you know." He was concerned about some creaking in the master bedroom's floorboards. "Joists getting a bit arthritic," he diagnosed. "Age again, probably, but I wouldn't consider replacement yet. Now, if you'll just slip those radiator covers off — I'll turn my back if you prefer."

His brow furrowed when he felt the radiators: "Mind if I have a little look at your boiler?" He listened with his stethoscope. "Does this thing smoke?" he asked. IJS He glanced at his watch. "Must get along, got a surgery to look at. But I'll just take a sample of your plaster if I may. Run a few tests." He'd reached the door of his Rover: "Absolutely nothing to worry about, but I take it you won't mind if I got a second opinion?"