Over 21: Sep 78

This article describes the shooting of photos for "What my bed means to me". It has no by-line but bears all the hallmarks of having been written by John.

It's very interesting that John should have said "I'm not looking miserable: I'm looking Jewish.". John was illegitimate and claimed to never have known who his father was. Yet after his death, his filofax revealed a hand written note from his elderly mother saying that John's father was "S Haber - a British Jew". It makes one wonder if John knew this when he said " .I'm looking Jewish."

"Now, relax," said Terence Donovan. "Act natural. Just like it was any old Friday night with your friends."

Jilly Cooper, Zandra Rhodes, John Sandilands and Peter Cook sat up in bed and gazed morosely back at him.

"Stop looking so miserable, John" said Terry.

"I'm not looking miserable. I'm looking Jewish," said John.

"And stop worrying about being in bed with a lot of other people:"

''I'm not worrying about being in bed. I'm worrying about falling out," said John. ?After all, even when it's king-sized, a bed is not designed to sit four people in reasonable comfort.?

And what, you may well wonder ,were a leading dress designer, a top columnist, a busy journalist and scriptwriter and Peter Cook doing in bed together on a chilly July afternoon'? Being photographed for our front cover; of course. We'd decided that the four nice and funny people who had written about their beds for us probably wouldn't mind being photographed in one. It was but a short leap of imagination to the Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice pose . and they all agreed.

John and Peter and Jilly took off their tops, but for some odd reason Jilly kept on her boots: "I'm not taking my boots off," she kept saying, firmly. We should say here that she draped a towel modestly around her bosom.

Zandra disappeared into the changing room: "Zandra's going the whole hog, really going to town," said Peter. "She's in there now, cleaning out her nostrils with pipe cleaners."

Zandra, who actually uses pipe cleaners (even more strangely, some may feel) as a hair decoration, reappeared in pink pleating: "I'm wearing me dressing gown," she announced. "I always look as though I've been pushed through a hedge backwards in me pictures and this time, I'm going to look glamorous."

Everyone settled in. John looked uneasy, Jilly giggled - and apologised a lot as her hair flopped continuously over her face. Peter slipped down the bed looking iller by the minute (well, he was on the way to the dentist) and Zandra had the unsettled look of someone who had an urgent appointment half an hour ago.

"What I like about this sort of thing is meeting nice people you wouldn't have met otherwise," said Zandra. "And just think next time we bump into each other at a cocktail party or something, we can say: 'Ooh, I haven't seen you since we were in bed together."

Postscript: It's interesting that Zandra said that because some years later, John met Jilly Cooper at a party. "I haven't seen you since we were in bed together.", he said. Jilly had forgotten but was not in the slightest bit fazed.